Went to my Grandma's this weekend to hang out for M Day. Had a decent time, except I was haunted by the spectre of a tall, beautiful woman with long, dark, curly hair the whole time. Very odd. I think its part of my whole drive to move there. Nevermind that I would be bored out of my skull and completely lost when it came to working a farm, I have this weird compulsion, and apparently, a ghost girlfriend.

I feel the urge to run. Not just the urge to hide from everything, but the same push that drove me through high school and my freshman year of college. The pull to put on headphones and run until I collapse, panting on the side of the road somewhere. My legs twitch in rhythm. My mouth waters for running shoes. Even in high school, I wasn't all that fast, and the best that could be said was that I would keep going until going was no longer an option. Freshman year, it became an escape from my desire, a way to push Emily out of my mind, or perhaps meditate on her while expending the energy those thoughts created.

My lungs always gave out before my legs. And now, after 7 years of cigarettes and vodka, they still will. It will help as little as it did then, but at least I will fall into bed without ghosts.