I feel like I have had so many epiphanies, self-revelations, and life-changing events in the past month that I should change my name to Joseph Smith and start a pilgrimage to Utah. Or something.

And last night, K- did my Tarot. The basic gist of it was that I should stop worrying about finding a girlfriend, which I haven't been wondering about out loud, per se, but has been at the back of my mind. It gets lonely talking to the cat sometimes.

It seems like when I hook up, The Lonely starts over and I get all icky and co-dependent all over again, not necessarily with the person I hooked up with, but just with myself. I don't like myself then.

I am currently on a path of self-discovery, the cards said, and should continue to work toward my heart's desire, whatever that may be. When I am the pinnacle of achieving that sense of self, when that self is strong enough to maintain its independence in a relationship, my energy will attract the person I'm supposed to be with. I actually think all of this was fairly accurate, so my skepticism is purely for comedic effect.

The future card was actually the most interesting (surprise, surprise) because it meshed really well with an epiphany I had at work the other day. My notes:

The most fun person in the room, the feeling of can't-wait-to-see-them excitement.

I am looking for a sense of light-hearted, relaxed freedom who is incredibly sexy. I added that last part. It's like a fortune cookie where you add "in bed" at the end. I have decided that I do want to be able to forget that there is anyone else in the room except for me and someone else. But always to remember that I am in the room.

We also had an enneagram filled weekend. I am most definitely a 9. Most definitely.

Deeply receptive, accepting, unselfconscious, emotionally stable and serene. Trusting of self and others, at ease with self and life, innocent and simple. Patient, unpretentious, good-natured, genuinely nice people.

But Also:

Thinking becomes hazy and ruminative, mostly comforting fantasies, as they begin to "tune out" reality, becoming oblivious. Emotionally indolent, unwillingness to exert self or to focus on problems: indifference. Into wishful thinking, and magical solutions. Others frustrated and angry by their procrastination and unresponsiveness.

So apparently, pretending that I have magical powers is a negative trait. Who knew?

When The Director started reading off the traits, I felt a little like someone took off the top of my head and looked inside. It was scary. Usually I have no problem sharing my disfunction with other people, in a comedic, self-parodying way, but when someone else shares it for me, I guess I can't handle that.