My apartment currently smells like burnt rice.

Busted. BU makes excellent cookies while tipsy. She will be featured in the second episode of "When Drunk Girls Get Hungry."

I finally scheduled my driving class in Charlotte this weekend, so I will be free of the scourge of ignominy, or something. I'm going to visit with Spencer, drink, and learn how not to speed in front of patrolmen. It should be an exciting weekend.

This is the coolest dream I have ever had.

Oh, now I remember. Last night, before I went over to hang out and eat cookies with Doh and BU, my next door neighbor came over. She is wonderful. She's currently working toward her stylist's licence at the Alpha Beauty School, but is actually extremely good with hair. She does a great job with mine. She's courting offers from expensive salons downtown, and my price per cut is going to go through the roof. Anyway, I saw her walking her dog and invited her over for a drink, since we hadn't chatted in awhile. She came in and sat down as I finished my dinner.

Awesome Neighbor: So Kathryn, what do lesbians do in bed?

Me: choke, cough, giggle. Are you serious?

AN: face in hands, turning red. Sorry, I was just wondering. 

Me: The same thing you and ANH (awesome neighbor's husband) do, only we need time to prepare if there's going to be a penis involved. 

AN: You mean like a strap-on?

I nodded. But that's only for special occasions. Usually, I don't bother. 

AN: So can I ask you a personal question?

Me: (wait, didn't you just do that?) Uh, sure.

AN: So, when you bring someone home, who decides who gets to wear the strap on? Is it like, your house, you get to wear it? Or, is there always one person who wears it? 

Me: Well, I like giving and receiving, if you will, so it doesn't really matter to me. But I probably wouldn't use a strap on with someone I just brought home, that's more of a third date thing. 

AN: (eyes widen in wonder) So you have a strap on?

I nod.

AN: Can I see it?

I led her into my room and pulled my 10 kinds of awesome leather harness out of the drawer. AN is astounded. I demonstrate the placement of the straps and such. She is agog.

I think she still has the impression that the dildo is the only way to go with lesbian sex, even though I tried to disabuse her of that notion. Maybe I shouldn't have opened with "the same things you do." Maybe I should've gone for "way more than you."