I grind plaster all day. Most of the time, I wear a mask, but sometimes, I forget. On these occasions, I find that a fine white powder has accumulated on my nose. Sometimes, I forget to wipe it off. That's my own fault.

But when ten people watch me walk out of the lab, talk to me, ask me what I'm doing for lunch, and still allow me to get all the way to Subway without telling me I look like Kate Moss on a wasteful day, that is Not OK. 

Rob Thomas is a heinous musician. They play him constantly on the mix station we listen to most of the day. I have found that the best way to deal with his music is to "gay up" his songs. "I don't wanna be lonely no more. I don't wanna have to pay for this…Why don't you open up to me, like you do your girlfriends." Obviously, Rob is trying to get his gigolo, who claims to be straight, to stop charging and make an honest man out of him. And if you picture him with Tom Cruise, like those nasty internet rumors suggested, you get to gay up two celebrities in one try. I know, I know, we don't really want to claim these two, I mean, who wants Tom "Anti-Zenu Superstar" Cruise on their team? But it makes the music easier to listen to.

Another fun song to gay up: Saving Jane's "Girl Next Door" I should be all about this song. "Girls who play instruments" is my only genre requirement. But this song sucks. Unless you change 'hate' to 'date' and vice versa. Then, it becomes awesome.

Also, I can't get the image of Clay Aiken singing "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me." out of my head. Seriously. And also, "Constant Cravings."

Your response: