From Myspace « What the hell?

Posted by: Pixiedyke | July 18, 2006

From Myspace

Who makes this shit up? This is from one of those viral forwards over on myspace:

Aries LIVES for head massages. ANY part of their head: Lips, Eyelids, Eyes, Tongue, you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places during business hours. You need to be open minded with an Aries…If you don’t feel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets: Tell Them. Be warned! IF you don’t want to be kinky, don’t be with an Aries. If you say ‘No’ too often to them you may lose them as a lover forever.
Aries Idea of Heaven Is: Participating in live sex shows for money. Having their favorite human toy win first place in a pony boy/girl race. Fucking as an art form on display in a gallery. They secretly crave to be strippers or Annie Sprinkle. Aries LIVES to be jealous…they also like to coordinate other people fucking. Secretly desire to be fluffers. Aries owned a Violet Wand before it was popular. They are also Sadists.
The best gift to give an Aries is designer colored nylon rope in their favorite color. They live to tease and torture…HEY…Somebody’s gotta do it, right? They like hair pulling. Beware of their ‘toy’ collections. Don’t tease them…they will rape you. They love pony boys and girls…I cannot emphasize this enough! They like it doggie style especially if they are steering. Give an Aries 100 feet of rope and a 250 dollar flogger, they will follow. As long as they get to be the one holding the handle.

The bolded items are true. The italicized items are WTF. I don’t actually like head massages, because I have this thing about my hair going in the wrong direction. I hate it. When people touch my scalp in any sort of purposeful way, and keep their hand there, it hurts me. Red will corroborate. Feel free to massage any other part of my body, however.

I do tend to want to run around naked after 5 drinks, but really it’s because I’m looking for a place to go skinny dipping. I don’t actually do it very often, I swear, but I want to alot.

And who doesn’t love to play Yenta?

Posted in Drama, Dumbass, Food and Drink

Responses

will you marry me? - after you explain, in detail, what is meant by coordinating other people’s fucking

By: swirly on July 19, 2006
at 4:47 pm

I like to help people come together for love just as much as eHarmony. In fact, watching people I introduced make out lights a fire in my soul.

I can’t marry you, I’m sorry. My type is curly hair with push-up bra.

By: Kathryn on July 19, 2006
at 6:45 pm

As another Aries, I can attest to, well, a good bit of this. Actually, I love to be massaged anywhere. And everywhere. The more rubbing, the better. Maybe you just haven’t had a proper scalp massage, K.

I’m not such an exhibitionist, though. Just for my lover. And I like to alternate the dom/sub game. But who needs a $250 flogger? Sounds a bit too fancy. Now, a shatterproof glass masturbator–that I’d throw cash at.

Okay, probably more information than anyone wants. This viral nonsense actually got me going there for a minute.

By: Edgy Mama on July 21, 2006
at 12:05 pm