Red’s birthday party was last night, so we all gathered at the lovely home of The Gardener and The Italian Stallion to celebrate. I missed the big reveal, when everyone stood in the road and screamed “Surprise!” but I was there in time for the talent show. The Director and The DJ displayed incredible musical talent, and then we had a fashion show:

Every Halloween costume Red has worn (that we could remember) since I’ve known her.

First, The Brick House. This consisted of a form fitting red crushed velvet dress, cut to the crotch, with bricks penned on it in Sharpie. There was a door in the appropriate area, with a little black button sewn on as a doorknob. The Knitting Lumberjack had to liberate it from her closet, no doubt, because it is definitely a one of a kind piece. Tasty Vegan Treats wore this one.

Second, Greek Goddess Lady. The requisite sheet wrapped strategically around Our Future Librarian, topped by a kudzu wreath crown. Simple.

Third, Hermione. Using my half of the costume, from the year we did a joint turn as Harry and Hermione, The Director recreated Red’s sexy rendition of Harry’s smart friend (as opposed to his boyfriend). Cape, tie, Catholic school girl skirt; it was all there.

And of course, there was the grand finale. See, back at Hippie Clown College, they used to have these parties called Hall Crawls. One semester, back while Red was still 17, they had a Halloween Hall Crawl. While I went as Peter Pan, with Tinkerbell, Wendy, and a motley crew of Lost Boys in tow, Red went out on her own and chose to dress as a wood nymph. The costume consisted of knee high suede boots and leaves. That is all. By the end of her evening, Panama and I had ripped off her nipple leaves, but since I had a girlfriend, Panama got to run off to another dorm to make out with her. That was the night of the couch burning as well, just to give you some perspective. I had the honor and privilege of “wearing” this one.

I had only had half a beer at this point, which was definitely Not Enough to be Naked. In future, if you expect me to get topless (pay attention, theatre crew!) top shelf liquor should be involved. Or swimming. Or, you know, sex. But definitely one of the three.