Two weeks ago, Foxy and I went to Hairspray with Our Future Librarian. Mostly, we went to feed my Karaoke addiction, but also, we were downtown and wanted something to do while we drank. I sang a couple of numbers: 500 miles by The Proclaimers, and my old standby: Pour Some Sugar on Me. Kat Williams was there as well, and she sang her usual repertoire: The Jeffersons theme (prefaced by the comment “this is the most racist song ever.” Sweet Home Alabama might actually take that category, though I’m sure there are a few more.) and Proud Mary. Proud Mary got double booked, and there was another version a few songs later by a veryveryveryveryveryveryvery drunk white woman who took it down a long and screaming road. Kat’s other song was Hypnotize by System of a Down, which impressed the hell out of me so much that I had to get up and dance.

Anyway, our evening continued without major incident, except hearing loss, and we left about 2. As Foxy was paying her tab, I stopped to say hello to a couple of friends at a table near the bar, and Kat Williams walked by muttering about the obscenity of the song currently blasting over the dance floor. If you have been anywhere near an establishment of ill-repute, or a dance bar, in the last 3 years, you will have heard it. The incredibly infectious chorus repeats “my hips, my back, lick my pussy and my crack” Kat seemed to be talking to the bar as a whole when she said, “This is such a disgusting song, its so demeaning to women, its horrible, Horrible!” and thinking that a response to a loudly phrased rant would not be out of order, I replied, “I don’t know, I’ve said that before, and it wasn’t taken as demeaning.”

(Foxy’s response: “Kathryn Lastname! You have not!”)

Kat laughed at me, then grabbed my head in a headlock, clasping me to her quite soft bosom, and proceeded to pantomime washing my mouth out with soap for a full 30 seconds. That may not seem like a long time to you. But I would like for all of you to hold your breath and imagine that your head is buried in Kat Williams chest for 30 seconds. It’s a long time.