I’ve been on a blog hiatus, which may or may not be continuing. If anyone still reads this, rest assured that I will return at some point, once the bug has bitten me again. But for right now, I must tell the disturbing tale of …

The Creepy Fired Guy (loud thunder clap)

So there’s this guy at work. Long, long pony tail, bright red rosacea face, ten years younger than my dad, looks 20 years older. Apparently, some time in the past, a much younger woman left him and he was utterly destroyed by it. Now, he’s a depressed, angry alcoholic. He despises any sign of happiness in his coworkers. He is really nice to you if you happen to have boobs though. Until you cross him. One woman had lunch with him because she felt bad for him, then when she wouldn’t go out again because it was the most heinously awkward 45 minutes of her life, he treated her just like he treats the guys. Which is to say mean, dirty, angry, poop.

He’s been reprimanded several times for his attitude, but because most of the time, he grimly proceeds to complete all tasks assigned to him quickly, efficiently, and well, Dientes Hombre was willing to put up with it. Then, last week, he told the nicest guy at the lab to shut up and grow the fuck up because he was talking while he worked. And that was it. But instead of firing him, like you would any normal problem employee, DH gave him two weeks notice, as if he were laying him off.

People around the lab were already kind of joking about CFG being the one who would come to work with a gun one day. But now, we don’t know whether he’s supposed to be there or not. He’s got nothing to lose. And I don’t fit into the hiding place I picked out behind my desk anymore because my knee won’t bend all the way after playing football on SuperBowl Sunday.

Before, I was always the one urging people to lay off CFG, saying he was more like Eeyore than Crazy Postal Dude. “He’s had a hard life,” I would say. Now, with his hygeine plummeting, and even the non-gossips eyeing him nervously, we’re all on edge. Keepin’ the ipod off for longer. Turning around to check the door. Being extra polite.

So now, I’m returning to hiatus land. You can follow me on Twitter @pixiedyke if you want. I promise to let you know if I get shot.

Update: 3/10/2009 CFG failed to show or call this morning. We have relaxed a little. Hopefully he got a new place, where people don’t enjoy their job just as much as he doesn’t.