I keep having the urge to write an in depth post full of awesomeness refuting each of the points Mike Huckabee makes about Teh Geighs in his new book, but then I remember that he doesn’t give a shit what I think and only liberals read my blog. So you aren’t getting yet another rant about how I didn’t choose to be gay, I chose to be happy as opposed to soulless and miserable.

Instead I’m going to talk about a funny gay lady who appears on television and is coming to Asheville next week! Julie Goldman is Foxy’s favorite comedienne on Logo’s Big Gay Sketch Show. She is touring with Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad who will be at Hairspray on Wednesday. Be careful with that Hairspray link; it’s been proven to cause seizures in mice. Hairspray split off from the lower bar last year or something, and I’ve heard that it’s better now that they only have one floor to clean. But anyway, Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad in their own words:

“Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad” is coming to town like a dreidal spinning in Vegas. The show is a refreshing mix of comedy, music, spoken-word and show-stopping burlesque, featuring the gals who learned to smoke at Hebrew School, got drunk at their Bat-Mitzvahs and would rather have more schtuppa than the chupah, featuring performers seen on Comedy Central, HBO and MTV. These badass chosen chicks boldly dare to deconstruct years of tradition, expectations and guilt in a fast-paced vaudeville extravaganza, complete with kick lines, punchlines and a rendition of “L’chaim” with a fist in the mouth. This ain’t yo’ mama’s “Fiddler”!

Julie Goldman doing standup at Dinah Shore:

More Videos of the other Bad Jewish Girls

Commitment Ceremony video featuring Goldman and her co-star on BGSS, Kate McKinnon:

And because Fitzwilliam makes everything a little bit better:

Long Story Short: Nice Jewish Girls, Club Hairspray on N French Broad, Wednesday Dec 17th, 8 PM.

Aaah, drunken debauchery. It’s actually getting kind of old. And expensive. Very, very expensive.

On Saturday I went to a bridal shower brunch, changed and went to Brewgrass (Best Brewery=Big Boss), then threw a bachelorette party at Foxy’s house. There was a pinata full of lube and booze and chocolate and it was the best pinata ever. Just remember to ask for plastic mini bottles at the ABC store.

Also, Bedtyme Stories sucks and is way too expensive. They put their price tags on top of the lube ingredients. Newsflash for those who don’t do girls: any sugar by-product is bad for the cooch area. This includes glycerin. If I can’t read the ingredients, I’m not buying any lube to throw at my friends. So I bought cupcake tins shaped like boobs and a large inflatable boxing glove/baseball bat combo set called The Ultimate Couple’s Decision Making Kit. Then I went to Spencer’s, where the cheap plastic crap is cheaper.

Telling people that you’re throwing a bachelorette party is very liberating. I mean, if I’m looking for something in particular, I have no problem going into a sex toy store and asking for it, but I’m not likely to wander in to find out what’s in this season. But tell people that you’re throwing a bachelorette party and you want the cheapest, crappiest, dirtiest things they’ve got, and you will see the whole store. Several times. While they look for the huge barrel of 3 dollar vibrators that was just here.

At the request of jdnc, I perused this article over at MSNBC.com. Go ahead. It’ll make your day.

The basic gist is that one of those guys who sell black market DVD’s on street corners hit on a lesbian, and told her she was pretty. When she rebuffed his advances, he spit at her, called her a dyke, and threw a cigarette.

At which point the lesbian pulled out a knife and stabbed him, and her 6 friends gathered round and beat the shit out of him with their belts.

I am never an advocate of violence, even in the most extreme cases, and I really am sorry that dude got stabbed. But you can’t just be hitting on butch-ass girls from Newark and expect to get away with it.

I don’t usually repost content from other blogs, mostly because if you wanted to read the other blog, I figure you would have found it already. But this made me scream out loud:

Iowa Not Like Dar Williams Song, Report Disappointed Lesbians.

“I thought Iowa would help me find a way to say ‘I love you’ to Latonya,” confessed passenger Hillary Uxbridge. “I had it all planned out in my head. I would tell her, and then she’d say that she feared that to fall in love with me would be to fall from a great and gruesome height. And then we would make out.”

Since I have actually experienced this same disappointment with Iowa, well except I had someone to make out with, I felt this post deserved some pimpin’. Not that FakeGayNews.com needs any help from my little blog.

Also worth noting over there: Knocked Up Lesbian Has Some Explaining To Do