My database design professor, the one who looks like Zach Morris in bad makeup, is horrible. I know, I know, there’s a reason he teaches online. But my video game prof is good. He has a sense of humor. His lessons aren’t stultifyingly boring. DB guy is heinous.

1) He picks the most complicated way to say what he means. I’m no slouch when it comes to deciphering the jargon, but this guy is ridiculous.

Hi Zach Morris,

Can you please clarify what you mean by ” logical consequence of the definition of keys and domains”?

You lost me on the example provided.

and his answer:

Hi student,

This is the language of the theoreticians. They speak this way in order to be very precise in what they are saying. Here’s what it means:

**First a definition of DKNF**

A relation is in Domain/Key Normal Form if every constraint on the relation is a logical consequence of the definition of keys and domains.

**Next is a definition of a constraint**

A constraint is a rule that restricts the static values that attributes may assume. The rule must be precise enough for you to tell whether the attribute follows the rule or not. A static value is one that does not vary with time.

**Next the definition of a key (actually a primary key)**

A key is a unique identifier of a tuple.

**Then the definition of a domain of an attribute**

The domain of an attribute is the set of all values that the attribute can take.

Here’s the answer in actual English, provided by me, who has only been reading this for about 3 weeks now: “DKNF means that only one column, the key, can define the information contained in any other column.” So no row stating that your person is a billionaire, then stating their net worth later. How hard was that?

2)He doesn’t ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION. I’ve asked three now, and he’s basically told me to fuck off each time. Of course, since he answers questions like above, who needs that?

3)His lectures are so dull they make my eyes cross. Now, I will grant you that I may be completely unsuited for database development. It could be that having a beer with dinner then doing my homework is a bad idea. Beer and video games go well together, beer and db design, not so much. Granted. BUT OMFG Write Some Text That Doesn’t Make My Head Hurt. AAUGH.

Breathing, breathing. So, thankfully, ed2go lets you see who is teaching the class before you take it. And I will avoid Zach Morris like the plague.

I’m over it. No more. No more watching the debates, no more reading political blogs, no more paying attention. If I watch anymore, I won’t be excited because I can no longer deal with bickering and NOT ANSWERING THE DAMN QUESTION. From anyone. If they’re gonna argue back and forth, I want it to be for real. I want there to be interrupting, and in-the-facing, and possibly a little bit of funny and maybe even some smart-assing. No more polite. No more careful skirting. Fie on your careful skirting! I want someone to say “You’re no Jack Kennedy” and “Read my Lips” and possibly something even better. Fuck positions! I want a smackdown!

Also, it will be raining for the rest of the week, so I’m done biking too.

Dad, don’t read the last line of this post. Ok, fine. I warned you.

So, you know when you go to the doctor, and I mean the lady doctor, although I assume men have some version of this, and you go into the room and you get a PA or someone who comes in and does the preliminary stuff that it costs too much for a doctor to do? And she (always a she in my case) asks you a series of questions about your period and whether you eat well and how often you do crystal meth?

So then she asks you if you’re sexually active. And I say yes. Because I am. And she asks you whether you take birth control, going down a long list of drugs, each of which I must say no to. And I say no, because I don’t. Then she asks if you use condoms, and I say no, cause I don’t. Then she asks if I’m pregnant or trying to become so. And I laugh, cause that’s just silly.

Because OBVIOUSLY, I MUST be having sex with a man. I mean, what other options are there? So at that point, I say, ” No, I’m a lesbian.” and she gets all flustered and says, “oh.” and then we have the rest of the uncomfortable questions about my menstrual cycle and smoking 1 cigarette a month.

But my point is why is there no room on their form for me? How hard is it to ask “are you sexally active with men?” instead? Give me room, and I will come out, no worries. I have been and can continue to be about 3 drag queens shy of a walking Pride Parade all by myself, 6 being the minimum number of queens required for a parade. Or a fight. Scratch that, a fight only takes 3.

This happened during a Planned Parenthood phone survey I took once too. The questions started out all easy and general: cigarettes and beer. Then she started asking me about sex with men.

“Hold on!” I said. “I’m a lesbian. I’ve never had sex with a man. I’ve never taken birth control. You should talk to my girlfriend.”

“No, no, I’ve already started with you. We can totally finish.” She was young and earnest. She proceeded to continue asking me questions, attempting vainly to shoehorn my answers into her heterosexual “often, sometimes, not often, never” world. How hard would it have been to tack “have you ever had sex with a man” onto the beginning of that survey? Easy. Cheap. Save me twenty minutes.

But until things change I’ve decided that my own form of activism will be to reply, “Yes, I do use birth control. I make my girlfriend cum on my chest.”

So, Dumbledore is totally gay. There were hints in the last book, but I don’t remember anything earlier that would have given me the suspicion. And I totally think everyone is gay until proven straight, so I would be the most suspicious. In the last book, Rita Skeeter drops hints that Dumbledore’s relationship with Harry was inappropriate, working the whole homo-pedophile angle. And given the new context of Rowling’s comments, his friendship with Grindelwald does seem a little too intense for a straight boy. But here’s my problem with it, and with how I expect mugglenet.com to cover it:

1)No sex. Dumbledore, the smartest, most powerful, coolest wizard ever, wasn’t allowed to be a whole person. Why not? Did he channel all that energy into his magic instead? So now we have this cultural icon of a completely de-sexualized gay man, which is the only way America (and presumably Britain) likes its gay men. Dumbledore has become the 125 year old version of Will Truman.

2) Was Grindelwald gay? So that one rejection forced Dumbledore into the closet, never to be heard from again. Way to be healthy, asshole. Maybe Dumbledore gets action in Hyde Park on hot summer nights.

3) Because no one except the fanfic writers, and the more outside the mainstream ones at that, saw this coming, everyone is complaining that it was unnecessary, that it was a publicity stunt, that she should have just left him straight like everyone thought he was. Which implies that him being gay is the worse option. Everyone (in the broader, mainstream media sense of the word) says, “not that there’s anything wrong with that,” but really, they think that there is something wrong with it. It’s obvious from their sentence construction. If there wasn’t anything wrong with it, they wouldn’t have to tack that last bit on.

4) Mugglecast is a straightboy sausage party. They argue about things just to fill up time, they treat the only woman on the show like her opinion is shit on toast when their own opinions are also excrement on burnt bread, none of them is gay, sounds gay, or has gay friends. I expect the phrase “not that there’s anything wrong with that…” to be uttered innumerable times on next week’s show. Imagine 6 twenty year old goofball college nerds sitting around talking about their favorite subject, be it D&D or stamp collecting. These kids know EVERYTHING, obviously. I may sound a bit harsh. I do, after all, continue to listen to Mugglecast even though the last book is out and discussion by all sane persons who have lives is done. But I end up more annoyed and argumentative after listening to an episode than I was before I started, which is not my idea of the desired outcome of a balanced, interesting discussion. I don’t trust them to handle this.

So there it is. In my opinion, Dumbledore was a tragic closet case with a Machiavellian complex. I’m sorry I used Geraldo video, but it was what they had posted on Mugglenet. He’s the only person who thought this was “news.”

I came home from work on Monday to find the following note taped to my front door.

Hutchison-Biggs & Associates, INC
Land Surveyors

October 15, 2007

Dear Neighbor,

Please do not be using our front yard or driveway as an access to your property anymore. Our property is monitered via video recording cameras 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Any further evidence of trespass will be turned over to the Sheriff’s department.

Sincerely,

Hutchison-Biggs & Associates, Inc

Their driveway is about 50 yards away from my house. My driveway is right beside my house. Therefore it would be completely obvious and stupid to imply that I would ever drive my car onto their property. They didn’t say anything about my car though, just “access to my property.” I have been onto their property a grand total of 3 times: 1) while mowing my lawn to ensure that everything was nice and even. That stops now, obviously. 2) to help another neighbor retrieve his dog when it got out. 3) to get my dogs when they decided to have a big dog party with the family that lives on the other side of this company.

Besides being jerks, my other neighbors say that these guys shot a pet and left it beside the road to die, so they are above and beyond your average everyday jerks and have crossed the line into super-asshole-extraordinaires.

My reply:

Dear “Neighbor,”

Had you bothered to find out my name or what kind of car I drive, both available from publicly accessible county tax records, then you would have known that I have not, nor will I ever in the future use your driveway. Since you obviously hand delivered the ludicrous, unprofessional note you taped to my door, you may have noticed that I have my own driveway. This driveway, located on my property, is right next to my house, much closer than your driveway. It would be ridiculous to use any part of your property for ingress or egress to my property.

I considered myself to be a good neighbor before I received your threatening note. I always paid attention to cars that went down your drive at night when I knew you were closed. I have consulted my attorney in this matter, and while I can promise to never set foot on your property, I also feel free to no longer bother working toward our common good.

Sincerely,
Pixiedyke

1. Spread 4 bags of Cow Poo on garden, creating my garlic beds for 2 weeks from now.

2. Ripped out baseboards, molding, 3 layers(!) of linoleum, and several panels from crappy bathroom.

Homeowner tip: If your linoleum is ugly, putting the exact same linoleum on top of it won’t fix the problem. If your toilet is leaking and you put another layer of linoleum on top to hide that fact, you are a shitty person and you deserve to be fed your own sub flooring.

3. Homemade from scratch chili to use up slowly rotting tomatoes. Mission accomplished!

And now, a Just So Story:

Mommy, why do people use fake wood paneling?

Well, honey, one day, a long, long time ago, probably in the 60’s, a man came to Candler wearing a funny little hat with a small brim and very, very shiny shoes. He went to every single house and told them that he could make their plaster walls look classy, just like those great folks on The Dick Van Dyke show. The people in Candler thought that was a really neat idea, and it wasn’t very expensive, so everyone bought the shiny shod man’s paneling and put it up over their drywall. They didn’t know any better because The Dick Van Dyke Show was in black and white.

But why did they leave it up after they got color tv?

Shhh, honey, not everyone has HGTV. Don’t say anything to the neighbors.

This was going to be the post where I told you that you could now buy your very own “All my Sims are gay” t-shirt, a must have for gay geeks everywhere, except apparently there’s this thing called “copyright law” and even though I designed how the characters looked, and had the idea completely on my own, and am complemented every time I wear my homemade shirt down the street, I can’t list this shirt on cafepress.com.

I opened a store.  I made my little logo. I did it all. I had a brilliant idea, even, which doesn’t happen all that often. Everyone wants this shirt. You know you do. But Cafepress says you can’t have it.

Bastards.

Mower nonfunctional. Was stung on back by hornet while attempting to ascertain mower functionality. Now hate all stinging insects, machinery, and people with neat lawns.

Periods, Yeast infections, and the Flu should be mutually exclusive.

The original of this was alot bitchier:

 So, since there wasn’t enough interest in the reunion, we’ve decided to scrap plans for September 8th.

Ashlee will be mailing money back to those who sent checks.

She and I will split the $50 loss on the non-refundable deposit. There were only 6 people who were interested enough to send money. We are looking at other options, since the important thing to us is that we get together, not that there be a big party. She is looking at dates in the spring for a big party, and I will be researching ways to meet up at the Homecoming football game this fall and having an informal gathering, either at someone’s home or at a restaurant.

We are disappointed. We were really looking forward to catching up with everyone.

Anyone who has ideas or suggestions, WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. If you still live in the county, WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. It doesn’t make sense for Ashlee and I to be the only ones planning this if we don’t live in E-town anymore. Please, if you are at all interested in participating, give us your input. It is truly important for everyone to have a say in what happens, but we need you to tell us what you think.

Where should we have the gathering, be it formal and prepaid or informal and pay-as-you-go (such as at a restaurant)? Who should we get to cater? This is particularly for those of you who still live in town – who are the good caterers in the area? What type of DJ should we get? Do you have any recommendations? Do you want to go to the football game or would you rather we just all meet that weekend in the Wal-mart parking lot with a bunch of grills and have a tailgate party?

As far as I can tell, everyone thinks its a great idea, but no one wants to do anything. Regardless of why you weren’t interested, the important thing to me is that I get to catch up with friends I haven’t seen in ages, and meet new friends for the years to come. That may sound maudlin and schmaltzy, but I don’t care. There you have it.  If you feel the same way, then talk to me. Tell me what you want in a reunion.

Thanks,
Kathryn