My blog has been serious poo lately, ya’ll. I’m sorry. Foxy had the flu, I have a sinus infection, instead of driving home to let the dogs out, I have to rush back to Candler to bring the seeds in before the temperature drops. Craziness.

But! I have learned from my dad that he is having trouble making up his mind between two excellent candidates for the Democratic nomination. Since he’s over the age of 40, he isn’t automatically going to vote for Obama, so I thought I’d do a little public education, a la Scru Hoo, to help him out. I will do my very best to avoid bias, because while I do think that Hilary would make an excellent president, I just like believing that Obama will make people not hate each other any more. Everyone gather round for the Kum Ba Ya, ‘kay?

Up first: Healthcare. I don’t personally go to the doctor without being coerced and threatened, but I know other people enjoy seeing physicians on occasion. Here, the candidates are basically the same. All video is from icyou.com, which looks pretty unbiased to me.

Obama: Creates a new agency called the National Health Insurance Exchange … Low incomes given income based sliding scale subsidies … Only children required to be covered … cost: $65 billion (paid for by:sunsets of tax breaks for incomes over $250k)

Hilary: Overseen by the Federal Employee Health Benefits Program … Everyone is required to have coverage … Tax credits if you pay more than a certain percentage of family income … Cost $110 billion (paid for by: reforms to current healthcare system, discontinuing breaks to top 2 tax brackets

Both plans expect employers to contribute to costs, either by covering their employees or by contributing to the national plan … small businesses get help … legislate a minimum of coverage, then allow shoppers to choose from amongst public and private options … can’t be turned away because of pre-existing conditions …

So there ya have it. If Project Runway weren’t coming on in 15 minutes, my sick, sore ass would be in bed. But instead, I’m awake and blogging for YOU! Next time: Teh Gay.

I did exactly nothing today. Well, I mean, I read books about assholes and ate lunch with D’oh and played the hell out of some Wii, but there was no progress on the bathroom whatsoever. I liked it that way.

I did bleed Foxy’s furnace, cause she ran out of oil and then the gas line was clogged with air. But that doesn’t take good pictures.

All done with the wiring today! I still need to install a new overhead light fixture, but that can happen anytime, including after we put up ceiling tiles.

My work really shouldn’t tell me I need to come in and get caught up if they’re going to kick me out after 4 hours. I still have another 8 hours worth to do to actually feel caught up.

So then I came home and ran wire. Switches, plugs, sockets, all ready to go. I also figured out that the reason the dishwasher wasn’t pulling water was because someone (me? the plumber? the electrician? the cat?) turned off the valve leading from the sink to the dishwasher. Turn on valve=working dishwasher! It’s still hooked up to the cold water instead of the hot, but that’s a battle for another day.

Next week: roughing in the new wall, moving plumbing?

Foxy’s computer currently thinks she speaks German. The ads in Myspace know this, somehow, so it adds an international flavor to the social networking trailer park. Not as sexy as thinking she speaks Italian, but interesting nonetheless. I’m a geek from way back when we got the internets in 1996 and I ran up a $500 phone bill because there wasn’t a local AOL number, but I’ve never run into this particular problem before. She has no idea how it happened, and it amuses me, so I haven’t researched the fix yet.

No workday tomorrow, since I have oceans and pools and rivers of teeth to swim through still. One day things will go back to normal. One day we will have enough office space to hire the number of people it would take to adequately process a gazillion teeth per day. One day. . .

From Wonkette’s Live-blog of the Wisconsin results: “Is Rachel Maddow doable? Has this been decided on one of Ken’s liveblogs already? The hair is very “Hillaryish.” That would be a downside.”

Dude. Rachel Maddow (of Air America’s The Rachel Maddow Show) is way too hot for radio. I know, I know, she has a doctorate in political science. I’m not supposed to turn her into a sex object, blah, blah, mind, blah, blah, feminist.

Hot.

Her hair on MSNBC (where all pictures are locked to prevent rogue blogging) is nothing like Hillary’s. It is like woah.

Witness this video in which she disembowels Pat Buchanan live on Hardball.

How much sexier does it get, people? Especially for lesbians. Seriously, girls, Jennifer Beals doesn’t really play for our team. We need all the hot we can get.

Or: “I don’t think wire is supposed to look all crispy like that”

Today I was all over the house. First, I made a map of all my circuits by turning off each breaker, then checking to see what still worked. As I suspected, every light and outlet is on one breaker except for maybe 5. That means I am much more likely to trip a breaker while using my toaster oven, for example. It also means that one junction box, hidden somewhere under the insulation in my attic, is sending wire all over my house like nobody’s business.

Sigh.

I don’t mind spiders. If I find a spider, I am just as likely to put it outside as I am to kill it. I understand that they provide a valuable service to our environment by killing flies and mosquitoes. But spiders I can’t see that may or may not be burrowed into my insulation are really. fucking. scary. Nevertheless, I bravely made my way into the attic, traced the path of the wiring from outlet to switch to junction box, and dug through the insulation to move the switch wire to the other side of the room. In fact, I have used up my entire supply of bravery for the month of February. Don’t even ask me to help little old ladies cross the street. I’m done.

Then I drew a little picture detailing the wiring necessary to install a switch and an outlet in the same box and attempted to replicate said drawing in reality. 12 gauge wire is a bitch to bend, and I’m all out of electrical tape, so I’m calling it a day early and I’m going to study bees. The test is next weekend!

These are the trees that fell in the yard. The back one next to the garden was dead already, and broke off right at the ground. The one closer to the house did send out some leaves this year, but was looking pretty rough already.

Q: If two trees fall in your backyard, but you’re sleeping at your girlfriend’s house, did anyone hear them?

A: Ask your cat; he’s the one losing his ass hair.

On the new Prostitution and Solicitation Arrests page, there are basically three crimes: Soliciting for prostitution, loitering for prostitution, and Soliciting for Crimes against Nature. While I know that local authorities are only responsible for prosecuting violations against Raleigh’s laws, I have a few questions (JD, feel free to chime in):

1. What are the difference in penalty for Prostitution and Crimes against Nature?

2. Is the only difference in crime about the gender of the people involved, or does CaN not involve money? If CaN involves money, does it then become prostitution?

3. I thought the Lawrence v Texas de-fanged state CaN laws,  at least as far as they apply to consenting adults?Or is that only for consenting adults who are inside? Standing outside Scandals to pick up a trick doesn’t count?

This post is mostly for me, since my office hasn’t updated Adobe since about 2003. Click here to view the comprehensive bike plan for Asheville City. I’ve been trying to put together a map on my own using the written proposals I’ve been able to find online here and there, but this document actually provides a map of proposed additional lanes, greenways, and paths.

Also, how cool is it that the Ashevillenc.gov site has two ladies holding hands, even if they both look like Andie McDowell?

I ordered my seeds! Cherokee Trail of Tears Beans, Dragon Tongue Beans, Calabrese Green Sprouting Broccoli, Chioggia (Bassano) beets, Chantenay Red Core carrots, Wando Peas,  Chinese Five Color Peppers, Fish Peppers, Flame Lettuce (at right), Gentilina Lettuce, Collards - Georgia Southern (Creole), Merlo Nero Spinach, White Scallop Squash, Costata Romanesco Zucchini, Green Zebra Tomato, Cuor di Bue Tomato.

If anyone wants some, there’s no way I’ll be able to use all of them. Let me know.

I am (of course) a little late, so the peppers and broccoli won’t be started quite early enough, but I think I’ll be ok. Really, putting the seeds in the ground is the least of my worries. I’ll only be planting 2 of each squash, and I don’t want yours.

Just finished my second day of bee school. I’m embroiled in typing up my notes, trying to decipher what I meant by “proboscis straw hairy”. On the one hand I love it. I hated biology in high school, all the cells and moving around and brightly colored diagrams, but now I think it was because there wasn’t really any practical applications. I mean, we did labs, and transferred things from one tube to another with osmosis, and even did the DNA extraction with onions, but it was boring. Why the hell would I want to extract DNA from an onion? Bee school is awesome.

On the other hand, I can’t start yet. I’m moving in with Foxy some time in the next year. I’ll have a garden here, but I’m not going to get to do some of the things that I was so excited about when I bought a house- chickens, bees, trees -because I need somewhere that I’m going to be for awhile. A bee box weighs 15 pounds. A package of bees weighs 3 pounds. After a year of living in it, a package of bees makes their bee box weigh 80-100 pounds from wax and honey, so they aren’t entirely portable. The other thing is Foxy’s house isn’t a good place for bees. Her lot is narrow and long, with her house on the west end, so her backyard is bathed in shadow from 4 o’clock on. Shady bees go to bed early, and are more susceptible to disease.

So I’m still not settled enough for this. And all the other wild and crazy twenties’ dreams are still kicking around in there too. What about biking cross country? Wouldn’t I rather just have an Airstream trailer? I feel wrapped in batting with more stuff being added, with me adding more, I’m doing it, and I can’t get away from the responsibilities I’ve created for myself. I want to do these things, so I have to take on the obligations that come along with them.

I’m also not incredibly patient. I know, I know, an impatient Aries, Qu’elle Surprise. I want to be ready to do it NOOOw, but I also want it to be 5 years off. And I’ve been thinking about the whole house that way from the beginning as well. The only doing what I need to to make money, versus the desire to set up a suburban homestead. And in the process I’ve confused the hell out of Foxy and myself.

Pllbt.

I feel warmer already. Today I had to go in to real work, because I am drowning in teeth. I didn’t get back until about 2:30, what with going to Lowe’s and all. All I did was install the insulation in the walls and around the window. I half-assedly patched the hole in the wall, which are always slightly creepy, but I’ll probably have to redo it. So all I accomplished today was that I can no longer see light around the window, but I feel that might be the greatest task of all.

It’s been Foxy’s birthday weekend here at What the Hell?, and we celebrated in grand olde Asheville style. By which I mean the drinking began at 2pm.

Thirsty Monk (really cool, and very appropriately atmospheric, getting someone to bring you your tab can be rough), Ed Boudreaux’s,  Hookah Joe’s, West End vegan chocolate cake. Foxy is not able to handle the dairy, though she makes exceptions for chocolate cake, but when its vegan, she can have as much as she wants. It helps the rest of us out too.

Most of the party bailed around this time, since they’d been drinking for about 8 hours. Not the diehards, however, who tramped (not literally) over to La Rue’s in time to catch the drag show.

Some of you with a head for geography may have noticed that a large swath of downtown was covered by this roaming fest, which is quite perceptive of you. Unfortunately, in my zeal to make Foxy feel like she was dating the hottest lady in the room, I wore my awesome vintage boots with 4″ heels. That didn’t work out so well for my feet, which still feel a little like they lost a fight with a cheese grater.

The older you get, at least until you hit mid-30’s I think, the longer your birthday lasts. Today, for her special dinner in, I made homemade French fries, fried catfish, fried oysters, and cole slaw. Tomorrow is her special dinner out, since that’s her actual birthday.

Have you ever noticed that oysters look kind of like the Alien mixed with a jellyfish?

Things I learned today: Width of a sheet of Lauan: 4 foot. Width of the diagonal of my hatchback: 3 foot 10 inches. Good thing Lauan is bendy.

So I leveled the floor and did pretty much all the underlayment. All that’s left is that top left corner, where we’re going to move the pipes and build a wall. The pipes will move about 2 and a half feet in, and then go inside a wall, so that we can run the shower up and keep a closet. All that’s left to do with the floor is seal it and lay the peel ‘n’ stick tiles. Next up: Electrical!